Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
