Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
