i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
