Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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