hotel room ftw
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
