did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
