Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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