So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
