But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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