My brain says no but my pants say off.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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