he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
