I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
