fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
