they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
