Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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