I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize