what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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