you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
