i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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