please come you make the beer taste better
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
