someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Let's paint friendship bongs
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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