it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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