He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All the doctor said was why
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
