i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
