:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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