I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
