FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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