I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
