You smell like stripper and shame
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
