I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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