I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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