Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
