just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
