forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
