why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
