You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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