I am in a vortex of obligation.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
