Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
