apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
