I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
