She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
