I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
