Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
