she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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