Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize