I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
