Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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