Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
