haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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