Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
