You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
