New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
