i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
