how can u be prego again
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
