stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
