Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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