What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
