Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
