you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
