Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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