what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
