If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
