Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
