I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
