Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
