Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
