I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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